Reflection is Remedy

Today something rare and fortunate happened. There is a lady at my workplace who NEVER smiles. I always smile at her, but she never returns it. I just ignore it, and keep up my usual routine of smiling at all strangers. I can’t help it, sometimes I feel like a smile is glued to my face.

Today I didn’t bring my ID with me, and I forgot that I needed it to enter the bathroom. So when I tried to open the door and realized it was locked, I turned around and lo and behold!..the same lady who never smiles (or speaks to me) was smiling and waving her ID card. I was a bit shocked but was happy nevertheless.

I was so bewildered by this occurence that I had to post it. My blog is becoming more and more personal as time progresses. InshAllah I will return to posting my usual reflections.

Fi-Amanillah

Sometimes you have the most unusual days, and then by the end, you think WOW.  My life really is a drama show. God has the most interesting characters and events for us to meet.

One day towards the end of the fall semester, I had one of the most captivating conversations in my life–with an ex-Jail-convict.  He was really nice and friendly.  He kept going on and on, and I kept nodding and nodding; adding my input here and there.  But I was so intrigued by his charisma and what he said; all the while we were in the 8th floor of the hospital waiting for his wife to finish receiving her epidural so that we could witness her c-section!

Lol, let me explain.  I took a class called Maternal and Fetal Medicine.  Part of the requirement was that we had to observe a live birth and a live c-section.  I had already observed a live birth, so that particular day I woke up extra early to get in time to the Hospital to see if I could catch a c-section.  I arrived just in time.  One was about to happen in about 15-30 minutes.  I changed into a doctor’s scrubs, which we were required to wear.  Before I could enter the surgery room, I had to put on a cap and face mask.  I felt SO COOL.  I felt that I looked like a real surgeon.

Before I entered the room however, I had to get permission from the patient.  She nodded her head in approval.  I left the room to get something and when I came back her husband asked me what my ethnicity was.  I told him that I was born in America, but that my parents were born in Guyana and that we are originally (few generations back) from India.  ”Aha!” said the wife.  It was obvious that they were trying to guess at what my ethnicity was when I left the room.  I laughed.  The father started to chat away.  He talked about his background (he is multi-racial).  They were so excited to have another baby that they were taking pictures.  They even took a picture of me, lol.

The interesting part happened when his wife left the room.  It was just me and the dad.  I felt a bit uncomfortable, but he was overjoyed to have someone to speak with.  He started by saying how good it is that I have the chance to go to medical school (he thought I was going) while others do not.  He told me about his lifestyle as he grew up in the “ghettos” of New York City.  He said that he got involved with the wrong crowd, invested some time into drugs, and ended up serving time in jail.  Due to his felony he is not allowed to enter law school or get a good career.  Every time he tries to apply for a job, his felony will always come up, even though he has changed his life around and has a wife (and now three kids!).  He was lamenting…and what felt like he was confiding in me.  He talked on and on, I was totally intrigued throughout.  He told me how jail changed his life…how the people he met there were some of the most brilliant and intelligent men he ever knew.  He said they never got the chance to prove their worth and intelligence, only due to poverty and probably a few misguided choices.  Then he started to tell me about some of the theories his old jailmates discussed as to why America is in a recession.  He discussed immigration, taking advantage of undeveloped nations, using money we don’t have to ransack resources we don’t desperately need.  I was kinda shocked that men in jail would even care to discuss stuff like this.  Then he talked about the career thing, how people in other countries who have felonies come to America with a clean slate..and how it’s not fair that he is an American who has to deal with this felony-scar for the rest of his life.

He started to confide in me as to how minorities make it big and take advantage of American money, and use it to take back home–possibly another reason of the recession.  He told me how certain Hispanic communities will support their own people, and how they will live with as many as 12 people in one house to save money and conserve resources.

He told me about some theories that the men in jail had for making money.  One is the Hispanic community theory.  He told me other stories as well, including examples of certain people who came from countries in Africa and South America.  I was impressed.

Point of this story:  Don’t underestimate the intelligence and vigor of people in the lower class, people in poverty, and people with histories of felonies.  We can learn from anyone, and take advice from anyone.  We should never think that we are superior to anyone and refuse his/her advice.

This reminds me of a story of a learned scholar who was bombarded by a few robbers one day.  They were about to walk away with his books filled with sacred knowledge.  He told them that they could take anything but his books. One of the robbers said to him, “What use is knowledge hoarded in books if it is not held within the mind?”  The scholar was amazed and thanked Allah for the realization that you can learn from anyone.

The same man whose wife was having a C-section kept smiling at me during the actual surgery and comforted his wife throughout.  When his baby was born he spoke to me second after his wife.  I gave him a thumb’s up and he commented on how his newborn son is going to go to a great school and have a great upbringing.  I smiled.  He ignored the nurses and doctors and told me that, a mere student.  Even the resident student gave me a confused look: “Why is he so friendly with you?”  It was amusing, and I felt special.

I later told him, “It was great meeting you.”  He wished me good luck with the future.

I remember walking out of the hospital that day in a bewildered state that I had just bonded with an ex-jail convict.  He was a great person, mashAllah.

My dad is old. So old, that I can’t relate to him. My dad was in his mid-forties when I was born. Practically half of his life was over.  Now he is in his mid-sixties and is not feeling the best. My dad is mysteriously unwell. It’s been slowly consuming him, so slow that it took relatives outside of my immediate family to notice that he was changing.

My mom thinks that he is dealing with the “empty nest syndrome”. She thinks he is also down because he no longer works, and the only kid in the house to keep him entertained is me, which is not that good considering that I am 21 years old. (haha)

Anyway, I thought to myself: this is a GREAT time to clean out the garage since my dad is oblivious to a lot of things nowadays. He has piles and piles of books in there that no one reads. He has refused to get rid of them for as long as I can remember, and although he used to say once in a while “OK, I will give the books away,”…it just never happens. Speech is easier than practice.

So I started delving into the books. My mom and I have already managed to get rid of about 100. But, there are at least several hundred more to go.

That was when I opened up a textbook that belonged to my dad. There were markings ALL OVER the book. Copious notes, diagrams, numbers, underlining…I was surprised out of my mind. My dad doesn’t read anything now, except for the Quran and a few others of his favorite Islamic books.  He spends most of his time sitting down on the sofa doing dhikr, staring into space, and recalling precious memories he had as a youth in Guyana. Sometimes he mentions college but I usually zone out at that point…(I know I’m bad).  It is hard for me to have a normal conversation with my dad.  Sometimes he doesn’t respond and sometimes he just doesn’t understand what I am saying.  I treat my dad like a grandpa.

Anyway, I looked at the book and I felt like I was looking into the life of a stranger, a person I never knew before. I’ve seen pictures of my dad in college, but never had I seen anything like this. I wondered what kind of student my dad was. He was definitely a nerd, considering his major (electrical engineering). He was a professor for a while too. My dad rarely discussed what he taught with me, I was too young anyway.

I looked at the book and I thought, “Wow, here is a part of my dad’s life I never knew.” Imagine him in college, cramming for a test, running to catch a bite with his friends, pulling an all nighter…my dad? Wow.

I started to get sad. I put the book down and walked to the living room. There was my dad sitting in the same spot he always sits, reading something. Alhamdulillah I don’t have a couch potato dad. My dad looks so wise when he wears his huge glasses and pours over his book.

Anyway, the point of this post: honor and respect your parents. You may not get along with them, you may not understand them, but we can learn from them. They all went through the same stuff as us, they all had their share of the pain and suffering that comes along with youth. They once felt the same excitement and desire for adventure that the youth feels on a daily basis. There are mysterious stories within our parents’ lives that we don’t know about, and if we did, we would honor and respect them more. Alhamdulillah Allah has given me the chance to live with my parents at this age and to be able to serve them.  But, I am absolutely horrible at taking advantage of this opportunity.  InshAllah, from now, I am going to try and build bridges with my dad.

Maybe in between the mundane requests he has (button his sleeve collar, tell him the time, allow him to drop me to school) I can gain some of his wisdom just from being in his presence.

You will continue to be healthy as a society as long as you have degrees of excellence, but should you all become the same, you will be destroyed.
-Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)

Each one of us is unique, special, differentiated. Each one of us is a reflection of God’s creativity, His power, and His beauty. A person who is extremely generous is a sign pointing to the Generosity of God. After all, Allah blew the ruh (spirit) into us when we were created. This spirit is pure and unadulterated. It is through this spirit that we are compelled to get closer to God and are one with humanity. Through the following of the ruh, one becomes so close to God that He says about His servant, I become the hearing with which he hears, his sight with which he sees, his hand with which he seizes, and his foot with which he walks.

We meet people and we get astounded by their personality traits: humor, beauty, leadership, charisma, serenity, warmth, friendliness. This is a way of Allah presenting to his creations as how HE is Allah is the infinite source of perfect beauty, warmth, friendliness, charisma, etc…  A person’s beauty, charisma, etc is NOTHING compared to Gods.

Thus, we must use the talents and blessings God has bestowed upon us and share it with others. If we have charisma, we should sharpen and better our speaking skills, and speak to bring others close to Allah. If we have warmth, we should seek out people who are distrought and help them through their afflictions. If we have an affinity with animals, we should protect animals for the sake of Allah and teach about them to others. In this way we are also teaching them about the creations of God and His Infinite Wisdom.

Voice. This is a talent that is appreciated by many in modern times. There is a reason why everyone does not have a good voice, it is because God wants us to appreciate it more by placing it upon a few. The huge mistake humans fall into is when they think that the beautiful voice comes from them. NOTHING good comes from us; all is a manifestation of God’s power. A good voice is a temporary gift from God that He can take away from us at any moment.

Therefore, if one has a good voice, they should use this talent to bring others to Allah.  They should perfect their Qirat and learn to sing Nasheeds to bring happiness to others and attract others to the deen. And then they should realize that it is not them that is bringing people to the deen, but GOD who is.

The list of talents is endless: organization, acting, debate, art, music, athletic ability, physical strength, logic, and on and on forever.  The slippery slope begins when people praise those who have these talents instead of the source.  Just as much as we credit those who have worked tirelessly to perfect their talents, we must praise the Creator of the talent itself.

My advice to you: find your passion and talents perfect them improve them.  Then share them with others; utilize your talent to bring others close to Allah, to remind them of their Creator.

May Allah grant us the ability to do this, and may He allow us to perfect the blessings and talents he has already placed within us.  Ameen.

My alarm clock wasn’t working well for a while, so I would to change the settings to allow the radio to wake me up…one morning I woke up to this song, and I was really touched by it. The lyrics are beautiful and apply to a lot of things.

The Reason

I’m not a perfect person
There’s many things I wish I didn’t do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I’ve found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I’m sorry that I hurt you
It’s something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why I need you to hear

I’ve found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]

I’m not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I’ve found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I’ve found a reason to show
A side of me you didn’t know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

A story to ponder over that I received in my e-mail:

Prophet Sulayman (pbuh) in response to his special prayer to God was granted Kingdom and was given power over the forces of nature, over the Jinns and men and devils and other living creatures. He was also endowed with knowledge of their language and could easily communicate with them.

Prophet Sulayman (pbuh) once was sitting on the bank of a lake deeply engrossed in the beauties of nature around and appreciating the various forms of Allah’s creation on earth.

Suddenly Prophet Sulayman (pbuh)’s attention was drawn towards an ant creeping forward with a grain of wheat in its mouth. As it reached near the water, a tortoise came out, opened its mouth and the ant crept into it. The tortoise closing its mouth disappeared under the water. After a while, the tortoise again sprung out of the water and standing on the bank opened its mouth and the ant came out. But this time it had no grain of wheat in its mouth.

Prophet Sulayman (pbuh) became anxious to know what had been happening under water. On inquiring, the ant explained that at the bottom of the lake was a stone, and underneath it lived a blind ant. Allah had created it there and because of blindness, it could not move about. The ant further said that I have been appointed by Allah to provide its daily sustenance with the assistance of the tortoise and hence, I do perform this duty everyday.

Let us ponder over one thing. If a tiny creature like an ant living under a stone at the bottom of a sea is not denied its sustenance, why should man the noblest of all creatures ever suspect loss of his sustenance from Almighty Allah? Isn’t it foolishness to dirty one’s hand in prohibited transactions for earning one’s livelihood? Such persons do not get more, than what is destined and earn Allah’s Wrath and Punishment in the Hereafter.

Moral: Allah (SWT) is Ar Razzaq. He is our Provider and we should always have faith in Him and trust Him in all our Affairs.

God has the best sense of humor.

I continue to be bewildered in life by the FUNNIEST events and stories, alhamdulilah. My friend had the most entertaining story to tell me, and I was totally captivated throughout. Imagine hearing a story from Allah?

If we see something we like in others, we should think, WOW, Allah has this characteristic, but He has it perfectly and infinitely. If we think a friend has a contagious personality and we just enjoy being in their presence, think of the amazing presence we will encounter with Allah. SubhanAllah. And what is a human compared to God?

I was bored of studying and started reading this article: http://nawawi.org/downloads/article6.pdf

The following passage made me really happy because of the bold emphasis that science and religion do not clash.

A conflict between religion and science was virtually unknown In Islamic Intellectual history.  The harmony between the two is epitomized in the life and work of the brilliant ninth century Muslim Chemist Jabir Ibn Hayyan, who repudiated alchemy as a valid science and laid the empirical foundations of chemistry.  His religious devotion earned him the spiritual designation of the sufi.  Ibn Hayyan began one of his renowned works on chemistry, The Book of Seventy, with the words: Certainly the mention of God is more noble, majestic, and great than what follows.  He opened the book with a lengthy discussion on the imperative of purifying the soul from ostentation and other spiritual defects as a prerequisite to the pursuit of scientific learning.

Islam produces an array of religious scholars who also excelled in the rational and empirical sciences.  Ibn Rushd (Averroes), the learned Andalusian judge and legal scholar, left an influence on Islamic law that is felt even today.  His commentaries on Aristotle affected the course of European intellectual history.  He composed more than fifty works ranging from his primary fields of law and philosophy to medicine, psychology, zoology, and astronomy.  It is said that his medical opinions were as eagerly awaited in Muslim Spain as his interpretations of the law.  Likewise, Fakhr al-Din al-Razi, a noted Qur’anic commentator, theologian, and legal theorist, mastered the rational and empirical sciences of his age and compiled The Consummation of Ancient and Modern Ideas, in which he summarized the philosophical, theological, and scientific thought of prominent ancient and latter-day thinkers.

Wow I really like the line that I bolded.  Imagine one needs to purify his heart/soul before embarking on scientific study!  It makes so much sense, and it embodies perfect adab (manners)!  I LOVE this.  Wouldn’t it be awesome if we could take a course on Tazkiyyat-un-Nafs (purification of the soul) before we had to take Chemistry and Biology?

Then people would REALLY be studying for the sake of Allah!

This reminds me I really need to be studying physics.

<3 humanity fi-sabeelilah (for the sake of Allah)

I love my mom.

You know how they say, a child brings light into a family?

Not in my house.

My mom is the light of our family, she is happiness during a time of grief, excitement during a time of boredom.  Sometimes I wake up and get excited to just go into the kitchen, watch my mom, and talk.  We can talk for hours, and I will never get bored.  My mom is 50, but she acts like she is my age.  She is bubbly, energetic, and filled with spirit.  It’s funny, because sometimes she can REALLY yell at me, but I let it slip.  If it were from any other person however, I would be hurt for weeks.  But I can’t take my mom’s yells seriously.  I do sometimes, but I get amused most of the time.  One moment we may be upset with each other, but half an hour later, either she or I will apologize, and we will return to normal.  My mom is so young at heart that she has her own facebook profile and cell-phone texts me when I am at school.  One time we had an argument before I left to come to school, and while walking to class she texted me and said sorry.  I was like, SubhanAllah.  I am so blessed to have a mom like the one I do.

I can tell my mom ANYTHING.

She is my sister, my best friend, my confidante, my advisor, and my support base.

It’s funny, because people say that women depend on men for moral support and advice, but in my house, my mom is the source of all comfort.  Everyone depends on her.  I have only seen my mom cry once or twice in my life.  My dad, however, is pretty emotional.  My dad even asks her for permission if he should go to the masjid or to the store!  He does this almost every day!  And this is not because my mom is domineering; this is because my mom is so supportive and nurturing.  Getting her blessing is like, receiving a bouquet of love and appreciation.

Whenever my mom is out of the house for too long, my dad will call her to find out what’s happening.  Yes, he does this for me too, but I think he does it more for my mom.  My dad is retired, thus he gets bored often.  He calls my mom like 2-5 times a day because he is bored.  He doesn’t call me.  He doesn’t call my brother.  He calls my mom.  My mom is the bomb.  You may think that this post is corny, but you have no idea how much love I have for her.  In fact, I am starting to tear at this very moment.  If my mom were to pass away, my house would fall apart within months.  She is the heart of our home.  After God and his Last Prophet (pbuh), I love my mom next.

I know my mom comes to my site once in a while, lol, I can’t imagine how awkward it will be for her to read this.

But mommy, I really love you.
I look forward to seeing you every day.
I appreciate what you do for us, even though I often tell you that you do too much!

You have such a jovial, funny personality.  Sometimes I feel like the serious, boring mom while you are the exciting child.  Lol.

May Allah increase our love and friendship to one another.  May both He and you forgive me for the endless amount of wrongs I have committed against you.  You (mom) embody selflessness, and all I do is take advantage of it.  May God enable me to show more gratitude and appreciation.  May He unite us in Heaven and increase us both in our devotion to Him. Ameen.

Love,

Your daughter