Reflection is Remedy

The goal of the seeker on the path to God is to eliminate his own ego–his own selfness.  How does he do this?  He becomes so lost in love with God that he loses his sense of self.  Keep in mind this hadith:

My slave does not draw near to Me with anything I love more than what I have made obligatory on him. And my slave continues to draw near to Me with superogatory actions until I love him. When I love him, I become his hearing with which he hears, his seeing with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes, and his foot with which he walks.

A person who is in union with God forgets about his own self-existence.  He thinks about God in every moment.  He sees the attributes of God manifested through everything.  And I am not talking about pantheism.  Everything is a reflection of God’s attributes; even a rock is a manifestation of His attribute.  A rock is long-lasting, durable, and eternal.  God is ever-lasting, most durable, and the eternal.  A rock is a sign and proof of the existence of God.

So anyway, what does this have to do with womanhood?  It all began in a unique art class that I had to take as a sophomore.  I think we were assigned to design a project that had meaning to us and was a social service.  I remember a girl in my class wanted to design a service for young women, I think it was called No More Tears.  It designed for girls who have just left a broken relationship, girls who lost themselves in a relationship, and girls who forgot about their own ambitions and sense of self during a relationship.  As part of the project, the girls would come to the organization and bring a pair of shoes.  On their shoes they would glue and place symbols or a representation of everything that meant a lot to them.  As they wore their shoes, they would always remember what made them an individual.

I remember at the time thinking woah!  Thank God I have not experienced this!  How does a girl allow herself to lose herself in a relationship?  But now as a senior, I have more understanding and sympathy.

Love is powerful and dangerous.  Just as Love for God causes the servant of God to be so consumed and forgetful of his own self so does love for a temporal being/item.  A girl who is in love with her partner is willing to sacrifice and compromise almost every aspect of herself for the sake of union with her beloved.  When the relationship ends, she is confused and lost.  Lovers are naive and willing to take risks.

In conclusion, women need to discover themselves before they seek a partner.  Independence is one of the best gifts she can offer to her husband.  The only Being that deserves a woman’s heart and self is her Creator.

“The tree that never had to fight
For sun and sky and air and light,
That stood out in the open plain
And always got its share of rain,
Never became a forest king,
But lived and died a scrubby thing…
Good timber does not grow in ease.
The stronger wind, the tougher trees…”

–Douglas Mallock

Hardship is a means of salvation on the Day of Judgement, InshAllah.  It may not seem like it at first, but tribulations makes you stronger.

Aim to unite with God and gain entry into Jannah (Paradise)…once you are there…that’s where the real party begins. Think of this world as the 9-5 job shift, and death the release from the job at 5 PM. The barzakh (intermediary zone between death and afterlife) is the time it takes for you to get home…and finally your home is your eternal destination (hopefully in Paradise).
SubhanAllah.

Insha Allah we will all one day be able to say, “Ah! There is nothing like home! Home sweet home!”

Half-hearted or insincere apologies are often worse than not apologizing at all because recipients find them insulting.

-Randy Pausch

I finished reading the book, The Last Lecture, by Randy Pausch.  The author has a fatal disease (pancreatic cancer) and wrote the book at a time when he had only a few months left to live.  I underlined various advice he had for the reader one of his advices that struck me the most was on forgiveness.  He begins by saying how he would discuss with his students the proper way to apologize, which, by the way, is very Islamic. :)

Working in groups was crucial in my classes, and friction between students was unavoidable.  Some students wouldn’t pull their load.  Others were so full of themselves that they’d belittle their partners.  By mid-semester, apologies were always in order.  When students wouldn’t do it, everything would spin out of control.  So I’d often give classes my little routine about apologies.

I’d start by describing the two classic bad apologies:

1. I’m sorry that you feel hurt by what I’ve done.  (This is an attempt at an emotional salve, but it’s obvious you don’t want to put any medicine in the wound.)

2. I apologize for what I did, but you also need to apologize to me for what you’ve done. (That’s not giving an apology.  That’s asking for one.)

Proper apologies have three parts:

1. What I did was wrong.
2. I feel badly that I hurt you.
3. How do I make this better?

Yes, some people may take advantage of you when answering question three.  But most people will be genuinely appreciative of your make-good efforts.  They may tell you how to make it better in some small, easy way.  And often, they’ll work harder to help make things better themselves.

Students would say to me: What if I apologize and the other person doesn’t apologize back?  I’d tell them: That’s not something you can control, so don’t let it eat at you.

-Randy Pausch

Beautiful advice.  It’s funny, because I had a rocky weekend lately, and my friend sent me a beautiful apology e-mail.  I thought of Randy before I responded.  So I made sure that I apologized back.  To say I’m sorry to somebody is such a sign of humility you just have to accept it.  To not accept an apology is a sign of arrogance and that it a whole other blog entry.  Within seconds after reading the e-mail from my friend, all sadness and tension within me vanished.

Not forgiving somebody can lead one to harbor rancor in his/her heart.  And I learned the HARD WAY to never do this again!  Shaykh Hamza Yusuf was right when he said that the person who harbors the rancor is more harmed than the person who is the target of rancor.

A bee on the farm at the RIHLA

I took this picture :)

One of the Shuyukh (I think Shaykh Hamza Yusuf) said that we should be like bees when they fly from flower to flower collecting nectar.  We should go through life collecting the best character traits and manners from the people we encounter.  Then we will produce an all-curing product (honey): an excellent character!

At the ICNA convention this year, one of the speakers said that a person who possesses knowledge but lacks good manners is in a state of hypocrisy.  I think that it is due to this fact that so many people are turned off by religion.  I know of some sisters who are scared of religious brothers because of past experiences with domestic and emotional abuse.  This is really sad.  Imam Zaid Shakir actually discussed this at the RIHLA as well.

About the RIHLA: There were several books we read (and are still reading), including Purification of the Heart, Reflections of Pearls, and The Creed of Imam Al Tahawi.  One of my favorites however is Islamic Manners by Shaykh Abd al-Fattah Abu Ghuddah.  It was also the only book that I was not familiar with before coming to the RIHLA.  It is absolutely beautiful and practical.  Just as much as the Muslim must try to perfect their prayers and outer devotions to God, so too should they also perfect their manners and relations with others.  This reminds me of what Shaykh Husain Abdul Sattar said in a lecture once that God is more forgiving for the transgressions we commit against Him (prayer, fasting) than the transgressions we commit against other creations.  This is because we have to seek forgiveness from both the person we wronged against and God.

This book also reminded me of a beautiful article I read once called “Adab: The Sufi Art of Conscious Relationship” by Kabir Helminski.

Here is an excerpt:

“I have observed that children in Sufi families are lovingly given subtle cues about how to act and move throughout the world.  Abdulbaki Golpinarli, perhaps the greatest documentator of Sufi life in the last century wrote about his own upbringing in this way:

‘I remember that, when I was a child, if I walked quickly, or stamped my feet, people would say to me (not out of anger), What are you doing, Baki? What kind of a way is that to walk?  My child, everything has a heart, a life, a soul: wouldn’t the wood get hurt?  Look, it’s laid itself on the floor for us to walk on.  Shouldn’t we show respect, and not hurt it?’”

It is because of this emphasis on manners and good character in Islam that has made me somewhat place outward devotional acts below inward devotion and character. Don’t misunderstand me, both are extremely important.  To have one and not the other is hypocrisy.  But for example, I don’t think I could tell a sister that she should wear hijab.  The fact that I am spending time with her and already wearing one is enough pressure as it is.  At the end of the day, covering your hair is not as important as controlling one’s anger, forgiving others, and displaying selflessness.  What kind of representation of Islam would a hijabi be displaying if she continually backbited others and told people off instead of holding her anger in?  I know a few sisters who became discouraged from coming to the MSA for the same reason.

May God allow us to incorporate the best manners into our characters and spread beauty through this medium.  Ameen.

I am currently at the Deen Intensive’s RIHLA 2009 program at Maryland. We are up from Fajr (dawn) until Isha. (They do give us breaks in between to nap).

So far I have listened to Ustadh Yahya Rhodus, Imam Zaid Shakir, Shaykh Hamza Yusuf, and Shaykh Faraz Rabbani.

I will write more later inshAllah, Imam Zaid is about to speak.
:)
Alhamdulilah Rabbi ‘Alameen-Praise be to God, Lord of the Worlds

Turn your back in repentance to Him, and fear Him: establish regular prayers, and be not amongst those who join gods with God, those who split up their Religion, and become (mere) Sects,- each party rejoicing in that which is with itself!
-Surah Rum 31-32

Muslims are so bewildered and confused these days by the massive amount of trivial differences that exist between different Islamic sects.  At the end of the day everyone should realize that it is our burning for God that matters.  I love this poem, read it and you will understand what I mean by burning.

Moses and the Shepherd
Jalaluddin Rumi

Moses heard a shepherd on the road praying, God,
where are You? I want to help You, to fix Your shoes
and comb Your hair. I want to wash Your clothes
and pick the lice off. I want to bring You milk,
to kiss Your little hands and feet when it’s time
for You to go to bed. I want to sweep Your room
and keep it neat. God, my sheep and goats
are Yours. All I can say, remembering You,
is ayyyy and ahhhhhhhhh.

Moses could stand it no longer.
Who are you talking to?
The One who made us,
and made the earth and made the sky.
Don’t talk about shoes
and socks with God! And what’s this with Your little hands
and feet? Such blasphemous familiarity sounds like
you’re chatting with your uncles.
Only something that grows
needs milk. Only someone with feet needs shoes. Not God!
Even if you meant God’s human representatives
as when God said, I was sick, and you did not visit me,
even then this tone would be foolish and irreverent.

Use appropriate terms. Fatima is a fine name
for a woman, but if you call a man Fatima,
it’s an insult. Body-and-birth language
are right for us on this side of the river,
but not for addressing the Origin,
not for Allah.

The shepherd repented and tore his clothes and sighed
and wandered out into the desert.
A sudden revelation
came then to Moses. God’s voice:

You have separated Me
from one of my own. Did you come as a Prophet to unite,
or to sever?
I have given each being a separate and unique way
of seeing and knowing and saying that knowledge.
What seems wrong to you is right for him.
What is poison to one is honey to someone else.
Purity and impurity, sloth and diligence in worship,
these mean nothing to Me.
I am apart from all that.
Ways of worshiping are not to be ranked as better
or worse than one another.

It’s all praise, and it’s all
right.
It’s not Me that’s glorified in acts of worship.
It’s the worshipers! I don’t hear the words
they say. I look at the humility.
That broken-open lowliness is the Reality,
not the language! Forget phraseology.
I want burning,
burning.
Be friends
with your burning. Burn up your thinking
and your forms of expression!
Moses,
those who pay attention to ways of behaving
and speaking are one sort.
Lovers who burn
are another.

Don’t impose a property tax
on a burned out village. Don’t scold the Lover.
The wrong way he talks is better than a hundred
right ways of others.

Inside the Kaaba
it doesn’t matter which direction you point
your prayer rug!
The ocean diver doesn’t need snowshoes!
The Love-Religion has no code or doctrine.
Only God.
So the ruby has nothing engraved on it!
It doesn’t need markings.

God began speaking deeper mysteries to Moses. Vision and words,
which cannot be recorded here, poured into
and through him. He left himself and came back.
He went to Eternity and came back here.
Many times this happened.
It’s foolish of me
to try and say this. If I did say it,
it would uproot our human intelligences.
It would shatter all writing pens.

Moses ran after the shepherd.
He followed the bewildered footprints,
in one place moving straight like a castle
across a chessboard. In another, sideways,
like a bishop.
Now surging like a wave cresting,
now sliding down like a fish,
with always his feet
making geomancy symbols in the sand,
recording
his wandering state.
Moses finally caught up
with him.

I was wrong. God has revealed to me
that there are no rules for worship.
Say whatever
and however your loving tells you to. Your sweet blasphemy
is the truest devotion. Through you a whole world
is freed.
Loosen your tongue and don’t worry what comes out.
It all the Light of the Spirit.

The shepherd replied,
Moses, Moses,
I’ve gone beyond even that.
You applied the whip and my horse shied and jumped
out of itself. The Divine Nature and my human nature
came together.
Bless your scolding hand and your arm.
I can’t say what has happened.
What I’m saying now
is not my real condition. It can’t be said.
The shepherd grew quiet.

When you look in a mirror,
you see yourself, not the state of the mirror.
The fluteplayer puts breath into a flute,
and who makes the music? Not the flute.
The Fluteplayer!

Whenever you speak praise
or thanksgiving to God, it’s always like this
dear shepherd’s simplicity.
When you eventually see
through the veils of how things really are,
you will keep saying again
and again,
This is certainly not like we thought it was!

Mathnawi II 1720-96, from This Longing: Poetry, Teaching Stories, and Selected Letters, translated by Coleman Barks and John Moyne (Putney, Vt.: Threshold Books, 1988), pp. 19-22.

I left out one line in the poem because some people will not understand it.  Also, when the shephard says that his Divine Nature and Human Nature have combined, he is merely discussing this authentic hadith:

Abu Hurayra said that the Messenger of God, may God bless him and grant him peace, said, God Almighty said, I have declared war on anyone who shows enmity to a friend of Mine. My slave does not draw near to Me with anything I love more than what I have made obligatory on him. And my slave continues to draw near to Me with superogatory actions until I love him. When I love him, I become his hearing with which he hears, his seeing with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes, and his foot with which he walks. If he were to ask Me for something, I would give it to him. If he were to ask Me for refuge, I would give him refuge. [al-Bukhari]

That is one of my favorite ahadeeth ever.  MashAllah.

Form vs Meaning:

Our body is the outward form, our soul is the inner meaning.  Ritual prayer, Fiqh, and Aqeedah is the form, our love, humility, and devotion to God is the meaning.  What this poem is doing is highlighting the similarity of the soul of all religions-which is found in our burning, passionate love for a Higher Being.

My good friend Jafrin sent this to me and I had to post it:

“The soul is a temptress and loves to look at beautiful forms and the eye is the guide of the heart. The heart commissions its guide to go and look to see what is there and when the eye informs it of a beautiful image it shudders out of love and desire for it. Frequently such inter-relations tire and wear down both the heart and the eye as it is said:

When you sent your eye as a guide for your heart one day, the object of sight fatigued you for you saw one over whom you had no power neither a portion or in totality, instead you had to be patient.”

~ Imam Ibn ul Qayyim al Jawziyyah, rahimullah (May God’s Mercy be upon him)

I have always thought about this and finally I came upon this hadith:

Abu Hurayrah relates that God’s Messenger (peace be upon him) said: God is good and accepts nothing but what is good. Indeed, God commands the believers with what He commands the Messengers and says: O Messengers! Eat of the things good and pure and work righteous deeds [Surah al-Mu'min: 51] and says: O you who believe! Eat of the things good and pure that We have provided for you. [Surah al-Baqarah: 172] Then he mentioned a man who had traveled on a long journey, his hair disheveled and discolored with dust. He will raise his hands to the sky saying ‘O Lord! O Lord!’ but his food is unlawful, his drink is unlawful, and his clothing is unlawful. How then can he be answered? [Sahih Muslim]

How can we expect God to grant us everything we desire when we are involved in harmful activities behind the scenes? For example; asking people to pay you interest, paying taxes that support regimes that kill innocent people, living lavishly and wasting resources when there are people in the world who are in dire need. Just because I dress appropriately, pray, fast, etc…doesn’t mean God is going to answer my prayers. People in the west need to break free from their bubbles of luxury and realize that if we want God to help us, we have to help others as well.

I think American Muslims need to wake up.  We need to serve more than we do complain. And this is a reminder to myself first.

Someone once said, “Words only carry the significances we assign to them.”

Beautiful. Perfect.

This small quotes solves practically all conflicts in life. People love to interpret what other people mean when they use words, what we need to do is ASK the person stating the words what they actually mean. In this way we realize that the conflict is really not a conflict at all, and that both sides actually agree with one another.

This reminds me of a story that my Uncle told me when he came over to my house this weekend. He told me about a couple that was having immense problems so a Shaykh told them to sit in separate rooms and write down all the issues they had with each other, and then to write down the solutions. When they switched papers, the couple realized that a lot of the problems and solutions were identical!

Pretty funny, eh?

Therefore here is my advice: Don’t get hurt by words, most likely you have misunderstood what the person is saying.

This advice can carry on into the religious and academic world as well. Scholars of different “leanings” will bicker and criticize another person’s writings without seeking to understand what the author actually meant.

If they only talked to each other, in they end they would realize that they both have the same goal and aim, and most likely a similar understanding–probably just manifested in a slightly different way.

I will look at the beach, and my brother will look at the beach.  When we describe the beach to my mother…we will both say different things…but we intend and still retain the same image in our mind.  :)