Posts with category - Personal

Impossible Endeavor? The Removal of the Ego

I have come to the conclusion that it is near to impossible to remove the human ego.  It is definitely saddening and perhaps I am just far removed from Reality, but the ego is a perennial problem.  It is sort of like…unwanted hair that grows on your body…No matter how often you shave…they will keep growing back.  They may even grow back thicker than before.  But anyway…

The ego is the most cumbersome thing to carry around, but just as difficult to cast out of your life.

I now realize why many scholars of the past detested praise.  Praise is like tobacco…the more you smoke, the more you become addicted.  Sometimes people need praise and glory in order to sustain themselves.

And even if one casts aside all forms of glorification, he/she may reach a point where they feel a sense of complete worthlessness…and this may lead to depression and possibly even a lack of motivation to accomplish things.  Someone told me that even feelings of worthlessness is a sign of the ego…because true selflessness is when a person is not concerned with his/her own welfare, but the pleasure of God and the welfare of others.

I have been thinking a lot lately as you have noticed…I really wish I could be like Thoreau and Imam Ghazzali and cast aside the world as I meditate deep in the wilderness.  Of course the real sufi is the one who is active in the world and possesses the heart of detachment from it.  But I have come to a point where I am disgusted with the world and my ego and would like to resolve it through isolation.

The world is overwhelming, competitive, naive, and at times insensitive.  I am speaking about people in the world as well as the world itself.  Many people are so parochial in their views.  Yet I was just as narrow-minded.  In fact, I am still narrow-minded.  The whole process of living is to gradually enlighten and broaden your views as you grow older.  People are so different and we have to realize that there really is no such thing as superiority or inferiority with outward classifications…such as career, marital status, children status, wealth, beauty, personality.  The only classification of worth is dependent on the heart of a human being…the sincerity, the love, and the contentment found within it.  And this can only be determined by God.  How do I know what lies in the hearts of others?  Yet I am tired of people praising others based on what they are doing for the world and what kind of career they have.  Don’t you think that the janitor that cleans your toilet after you have used it has ambitions as well?!?  Maybe they couldn’t afford or weren’t able to receive the same type of education you have.  But I swear, the heart of the janitor could be so pure and overflowing with sincerity that he is valued in the eyes of God FAR above the professionals who publicly display their charitable deeds to others. God only knows.

May God allow us (especially myself) to live without the taint of our egos affecting our livelihood.  Ameen.

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How Poverty Furnishes Beauty

I am fascinated by poverty.  I find it refreshing that many of the poor can live and be happy with much less.  I am also envious of them because of the hadith stating that the poor will enter Paradise before the rich.

This summer I had the honor of bumping into the Phoenix House.  I went there a few times to donate by dad’s books (of which there were hundreds).  As soon as I drove through the gate I felt the ease yet liveliness of this small community.  If a resident looked at you, it was usually coupled with a smile.  I went to the main office and the guy at the front desk was smiling from ear to ear.  “I just came to donate some books…”  I said a bit slowly.  “Wow! Thanks, this is truly generous of you,” the guy responded sincerely.  A bunch of guys came to see who I was and what I wanted.  Finally a Muslim man came and it turned out that he was a counselor.  He spoke to me in Arabic.  Everyone in the room seemed amazed.  A young woman passed by and she pointed at one of the books I had brought.  “I had a book like that, can I take this?”  The Muslim counselor approved her request.

The Phoenix House is not for the poor.  But it is a safe haven for those who made the wrong decisions in life…usually with drugs, alcohol, and small crime.  They hold classes and try to influence the residents to change their lives around and become valuable assets to their communities.  I can attest to the fact that the Phoenix House is very successful in their efforts.  The Muslim counselor introduced me to a young Muslim woman who was involved with drugs and also had a beautiful baby.  She was wearing the abayah (Muslim long dress) and a hijab when I met her.  She told me how the Phoenix House altered her life and I was truly impressed.  I returned the next day to bring her two of my favorite books and other small gifts.  It was refreshing to be in this environment…an environment that is really making a difference.

As much as I liked the environment, I also felt very different.  I could tell that most of the residents of the Phoenix House had a rough upbringing.  However, everyone–whether they had a shady past or not–was friendly and warm towards me.  I returned a few more times to bring books.  I didn’t even have to leave my car before a bunch of guys would walk out to help me carry the books out of the trunk.  They were really excited to see them and they already nicknamed me “The girl with the books”.  I told one of the guys that I really liked the environment of the Phoenix House, and he said, “Yea, we’re like a commune!  A huge family.”

May God place success into their efforts.

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Goodbye Beautiful Tress

There is a reason why we bump into the people that we do.  It may be a part of a larger plan, sort of like an unveiling (Kashf) of God’s supreme power reflected through the good qualities and amazing abilities of the people we encounter.

Once you become attached to a person’s personality, it is extremely hard to let go.  But essentially this is the purpose and idea behind the life of this world.  Do not become stuck at a level and you will attain spiritual ascension.

Rumi discusses this when he speaks about the “tresses” of God’s “hair”.  The tresses are the beautiful attributes of God that manifest through his creations.  People hold onto the tresses and become so infatuated that they forget that the sole purpose behind the tress was to guide them to the Being behind it.

Yes, people are beautiful, intelligent, generous, loving.  The world is beautiful, intelligent, generous, loving.  But do not allow these things to block your view of the Being behind them all.  Try not to allow yourself to hold onto a tress for so long that you cry when it is time to let it go.

It’s so hard sometimes because you wonder why you had to encounter the tress in the first place.  Yet there is a wisdom behind it, you may not understand it now, nor 10 years from now.  But use it as a tool to get beneath the “hair” that covers God.  Use it as a way of understanding the vastness and wonder of God.  Do not fall in love with the painting.  Like the painting but fall in love with the Painter.

Goodbye beautiful tress.

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Working on my Senior Thesis…

I am comparing the inner religious dimension of Buddhism to Islam.  The idea behind eliminating dukha (suffering) in Buddhism is so pure and beautiful–it reminds me so much of Tasawwuf.  I have separated my paper into three ideas: non-attachment, self-annihilation, and enlightenment.

The more I study Buddhism, the stronger I become in my own faith.

Islam believes that there were 124,000 messengers of God who came to bring His message.  Buddha HAD to be one, inshAllah….

The greatest achievement is selflessness.
The greatest worth is self-mastery.
The greatest quality is seeking to serve others.
The greatest precept is continual awareness.
The greatest medicine is the emptiness of everything.
The greatest action is not conforming with the worlds ways.
The greatest magic is transmuting the passions.
The greatest generosity is non-attachment.
The greatest goodness is a peaceful mind.
The greatest patience is humility.
The greatest effort is not concerned with results.
The greatest meditation is a mind that lets go.
The greatest wisdom is seeing through appearances.

-Atisha (11th century Tibetan Buddhist master)

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Spiritual Affinity and Love

It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even generations.
-Kahlil Gibran

I agree and disagree. I agree that the most important bond in a companionship is spiritual affinity, but I also think it takes longer than a moment to find that affinity.

Kahlil Gibran is such a deep thinker, I love his quotes.

This one I agree with whole-heartedly:
“Let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.”

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Death is a blessing for the believer.

Narrated Abu Qatada bin Rib’i Al-Ansari:
A funeral procession passed by God’s Messenger who said, “Relieved or relieving?” The people asked, “O God’s Messenger! What is relieved and relieving?” He said, “A believer is relieved (by death) from the troubles and hardships of the world and leaves for the Mercy of God, while (the death of) a wicked person relieves the people, the land, the trees, (and) the animals from him.”

My father’s death was a blessing (inshAllah).  He was finally relieved of his suffering from ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease).
May his soul find peace and beauty in the barzakh, the Day of Judgment, and in the Hereafter. Ameen.  I pray God grants him residence in Paradise near to the beloved Prophet (pbuh) and his companions.  My dad was amazing, he sacrificed his sleep and spare time to take me to countless of Islamic programs and events when I was a child.  I could write more but it would not do justice.  I’ll just keep my satisfaction and love for him in my heart for now.

I wasn’t sad at my dad’s wake nor at his janazah.  I was happy.  Happy because iA he is going to meet the Being that is the most beloved to him.  :)  My duty now is to carry on his legacy. <3 <3

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To the Muhsin, the World is Perfect

Someone said to me lately, “If you are serious about Sufism, the world is perfect the way it is.  It’s a mirror.  It’s only your own imperfection you are seeing.”

I was complaining, and my friend said that complaints are only a result of my weaknesses and misjudgment of God’s wisdom.

Someone also said, “What is Tasawwuf?  Finding happiness in the heart upon the arrival of grief.”  Every sorrow and difficulty that one undergoes in the dunya is a window into a future happiness in Paradise, God-willing.  The difficulty may also be a part of a training process God wants us to pass.  This way we become stronger in our character and faith.

Tasawwuf is the most difficult science in Islam.  The most difficult, but the most rewarding. :)

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Avatar Buzz and…Barakah

Today I saw Avatar; I really wanted to know what the buzz was all about. Although there was a cliche sub-plot and an extremely predictable main plot, the timeless message that was displayed is what I love the most.

The graphics and scenery were amazing too, however, in terms of beauty, The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess for wii blew my mind away. And the wii game is even better since you are actually playing the main character in the game.  One of my friends mentioned that the movie made her think of the beauty of Jannah.  That is exactly what The Legend of Zelda did for me.

Anyway, here are the turn-offs of the movie for me:

Cliche love story: This reminded me of “Pocahontas”.  Of course the protagonist just happens to bump into the daughter of the leader of the tribe.  In reality, what are the chances of this happening?  Also, Neytiri is in charge of teaching Jake Sully.  Hmmm.  Very predictable.  Maybe they were cute, but I think the growing relationship between Jake and Grace the scientist was more intriguing.

Cliche Plot:  Again this reminded me of “Pocahontas,” and even “V for Vendetta”.  The perceived enemy is really not what you think they are.  The evil, white humans want to reap the natural resources, destroy nature, make money, and kill the indigenous.  The movie was predictable from the start.  Of course Jake is going to side with the natives.  After all, he becomes an Avatar.

Scantily clad female (and male) Avatar: This is added for greater effect.  The movie has all the weak-nafs pleasing elements; including attractive female heroines, and lots of violence and action.  The Avatar creatures actually reminded me of Jack from “The Nightmare Before Christmas”.

Turn-ons:

The dramatic change in relationship between Colonel Miles and Jake.  This reminded me of the same kind of plot in “Crimson Tide”.  There is a strong pact and understanding in the beginning, but it later changes because of a moral dilemma.  This reminded me that sometimes the right course of action is sometimes the most difficult to undertake.

Nature.  I love trees.  Yes.  I am a tree-hugger. :)  The appreciation of nature, animals, and its preservation.

A new perspective of the so called “enemy”.  In the beginning of the movie, the Avatar are the ferocious enemy.  This is still evident when Naytiri tries to kill Jake. Her gentleness begins to show when she shows regret and sorrow for killing the creatures that were attacking Jake.  When Jake later learns to slaughter the sacred Avatar way, he thanks the animal.  This reminded me of zabiha meat and showing gratitude.

When Colonol Miles says, “Let’s fight terror with terror.”  I love this!  Hopefully this will open many minds!  At this point the audience is routing for the Avatar to win the battle.  Clearly the movie makes an allusion that what we perceive to be terror or terrorists may not be true.  In fact, the humans were clearly terrorizing the Avatar by destroying their sacred tree, chasing them out of their homeland, and killing innocent Avatar.

Reality of the Avatar World.  When Jake admits that the land of the Avatar was becoming reality, and that his life on the space station was turning into a dream.  My friend pointed out that this reminded her of Akhira vs. Dunya.  Akhira=land of the Avatar!  After all, when we die, we wake up!

Limb Liberation.  The fact that Jake gets to use his legs again in the land of the Avatar.  Although I am not paralyzed from my hip down, I could feel a sense of his liberation and joy.

My Favorite:

The network and the sacred energy that passed on from the ancestors to the modern Avatar.  SubhanAllah, this reminded me of Tasawwuf and barakah.  The unbroken chain of ijazas that lead back to the Prophet (pbuh) is like the chain of energy and understanding that the avatar receive from their holy tree with the connection to their ancestors.  Also, the energy reminds me of barakah.  The more energy the Avatar have, the more their God is pleased with their actions.

Overall, the movie was very nice.  The perspective of the “enemy” and the realization of their innocence is the theme I liked most.

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Gems from MECCA Center’s Dowra 2010

What a blessed way to start the new year…this program was absolutely AMAZING.  Alhamdulilah, I’m so glad I went.  Here are some gems.

I missed one day (Saturday).  Also, I left out A LOT of notes about fiqh and the development of fiqh over the course of time.  I just listed some inspirational stuff.

Even the best of creations (Prophet Muhammad, pbuh) had a teacher: Angel Jibreel.  Who are we to say that we do not need a teacher?  And what a blessing it is to take knowledge from a teacher with a chain of teachers leading back to the Prophet (pbuh).

The differences between the sahaba are a mercy for us.

Books are secondary sources to the scholars.

Just by mentioning pious people, the mercy of God descends.

Every religious matter that does not begin with “Bismillah hir Rahman nir Rahim” will fall short.

If one wants high levels of Paradise, then one has to attain high levels of knowledge.

Be one who takes little, but benefits a lot, not one who takes a lot, but benefits little.

The boat of the shariah is designed to keep you from drowning in the ocean of dunya.

If you strive and struggle, you will see the results.

A man had a belt of disbelief around him due to his constant showing off to others.  He became sincere by realizing that all of creation are dead.

When one’s acts are for other than God, he/she will find it very difficult.

The only way to understand Tasawwuf, is to taste it.

A sign that a man holds the dunya in his hand and not in his heart, is the lack of care he shows when he loses his dunya.

Winter is the best season for a believer–its days are short for fasting, and its nights are long for praying.

A Wali of God is able to look through you and realize your defects through the light of God (Firasa).

Guard your tongue in front of a ruler, guard your heart in front of a Wali.

Someone asked a shaykh how he was able to still use his limbs so well after having lived such a long time.  He responded by saying that he preserved his limbs from sin while he was young.

Imam Al Haddad: Don’t let a sunnah reach you, except that you follow it at least once.

Imam Al Chisti: If a man is walking over water, or flying over air, do not consider him a Wali of God unless he is following the Quran and sunnah.

There are two types of Nifaq (hypocrisy): Intending to destroy Islam from within, and doing things for other than God.

A lot of people wonder why all except one of the Tariqahs lead up to Ali (R).  Keep in mind that the prophet bestowed secrets to some or one of his companions that he did not reveal to others.  Hudayfah ibn Al Yaman knew the names of the hypocrites.  Zaid Ibn Thabit was taught the fiqh of inheritance.  Thus, Ali was taught secrets as well.

A man was with his wife when the call for battle was made.  He left his action and went to fight.  He died during battle, and the angels performed Ghusl for him.  The man had left his desire and fought with his life for the sake of God.

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Qad Kafaani

This is one of the most beautiful Qasidas I learned at the Rihla.  It is a poem that was written by Imam Al Haddad (May God grant him peace in his grave and honor him with Paradise).

Chorus:

*My Lord’s knowledge has sufficed me
from asking or choosing
Qad Kafaani ‘Ilmu Rabbi
Min su Alee Wakhtiyaari

For my du’a and my agonising supplication
is a witness to my poverty.
Faa do ‘aa ii Wabtihali
Shaahidun li Bif ti Qaa ri*

End Chorus

For this secret (reason) I make supplication
in times of ease and times of difficulty
Faa li hatha sirri ad ‘uu
Fii Ya saa rii wa ‘a saa rii

I am a slave whose pride
is in his poverty and obligation.
Ana abdun Saa ra Fakhri
Dim na Faq ree Wad tiraarii

*Chorus*

O my Lord and my King
You know my state.
Ya Ilahi Wa maliki
Anta Ta’lam Kayfa Halii

And what has settled in my heart
of agonies and preoccupations.
Wa bi maa qad Hala Qal bee
Min hu moo mi washtighalee

Save me with a gentleness
from You, O Lord of Lords.
Fata da Rak nee bi lutfin
Min ka yaa Mow lal Ma wa lii

Oh save me, Most Generous
before I run out of patience (with myself)
Ya kareem mal waj hi ghith nee
Qab la a-Yaf Nas ti baa ree

*Chorus*

O One who is swift in sending aid
I ask for aid that will arrive to me swiftly
Ya Saree al Ghowthi Ghowtha
Min Ka Yud rik Ni suree a

It will defeat all difficulty
and it will bring all that I hope for
Yah Zimul Usrawa Ya ti
Bilathi narjuu Jamee ‘aa

O Near One Who answers
and All-Knowing and All-Hearing
Ya Qareeban Ya Mujeeban
Ya Aleeman Ya Samee’an

I have attained realization through my incapacity,
my submission and my brokenness
Qad Tahaqaq Tuu be aj zee
Wa Khudoo ‘ii Wan kisaaree

I am still standing by the door, so please my Lord
have mercy on my standing.
Lam Azal bil Babi wa Qif
Far Haman Rabbi Wu kuufi

And in the valley of generosity, I am in i’tikaf (solitary retreat)
So, Allah, make my retreat here permanent.
Wa bi waadil Fadli aa Qif
Fa a dim Rabbi U koofi

And I’m abiding by good opinion (of You)
For it is my friend and ally.
Wali husnil Zanee lazim
Wa huwa khilee wa haleefi

And it is the one that sits by me and keeps me company
All day and night.
Wa aneesi wa jaleesi
Toola layli wanahaari

*Chorus*

There is a need in my soul, O Allah
so please fulfil it, O Best of Fulfillers
Haajatan fin Nafsi Ya Rabb
Faq di Hayaa Khayra Qaadi

And comfort my secret and my heart
from its burning and its shrapnel
Wa ahrih sir Ree wa Qalbi
Min Laza Ha Wa shuwazi

In pleasure and in happiness
and as long as You are pleased with me
Fi surooriw Wa hubooriw
Wa itha ma kuntu Raadii

For joy and expansion is my state
and my motto and my cover.
Fal hanna wal Bas ti haali
Wa shi ‘aaree Wa di thaaree

*Chorus*

My Lord’s knowledge has sufficed me
from asking or choosing
Qad Kafaani ‘Ilmu Rabbi
Min su Alee Wakhtiyaari

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