I have come to the conclusion that it is near to impossible to remove the human ego. It is definitely saddening and perhaps I am just far removed from Reality, but the ego is a perennial problem. It is sort of like…unwanted hair that grows on your body…No matter how often you shave…they will keep growing back. They may even grow back thicker than before. But anyway…
The ego is the most cumbersome thing to carry around, but just as difficult to cast out of your life.
I now realize why many scholars of the past detested praise. Praise is like tobacco…the more you smoke, the more you become addicted. Sometimes people need praise and glory in order to sustain themselves.
And even if one casts aside all forms of glorification, he/she may reach a point where they feel a sense of complete worthlessness…and this may lead to depression and possibly even a lack of motivation to accomplish things. Someone told me that even feelings of worthlessness is a sign of the ego…because true selflessness is when a person is not concerned with his/her own welfare, but the pleasure of God and the welfare of others.
I have been thinking a lot lately as you have noticed…I really wish I could be like Thoreau and Imam Ghazzali and cast aside the world as I meditate deep in the wilderness. Of course the real sufi is the one who is active in the world and possesses the heart of detachment from it. But I have come to a point where I am disgusted with the world and my ego and would like to resolve it through isolation.
The world is overwhelming, competitive, naive, and at times insensitive. I am speaking about people in the world as well as the world itself. Many people are so parochial in their views. Yet I was just as narrow-minded. In fact, I am still narrow-minded. The whole process of living is to gradually enlighten and broaden your views as you grow older. People are so different and we have to realize that there really is no such thing as superiority or inferiority with outward classifications…such as career, marital status, children status, wealth, beauty, personality. The only classification of worth is dependent on the heart of a human being…the sincerity, the love, and the contentment found within it. And this can only be determined by God. How do I know what lies in the hearts of others? Yet I am tired of people praising others based on what they are doing for the world and what kind of career they have. Don’t you think that the janitor that cleans your toilet after you have used it has ambitions as well?!? Maybe they couldn’t afford or weren’t able to receive the same type of education you have. But I swear, the heart of the janitor could be so pure and overflowing with sincerity that he is valued in the eyes of God FAR above the professionals who publicly display their charitable deeds to others. God only knows.
May God allow us (especially myself) to live without the taint of our egos affecting our livelihood. Ameen.
