The goal of the seeker on the path to God is to eliminate his own ego–his own selfness. How does he do this? He becomes so lost in love with God that he loses his sense of self. Keep in mind this hadith:
My slave does not draw near to Me with anything I love more than what I have made obligatory on him. And my slave continues to draw near to Me with superogatory actions until I love him. When I love him, I become his hearing with which he hears, his seeing with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes, and his foot with which he walks.
A person who is in union with God forgets about his own self-existence. He thinks about God in every moment. He sees the attributes of God manifested through everything. And I am not talking about pantheism. Everything is a reflection of God’s attributes; even a rock is a manifestation of His attribute. A rock is long-lasting, durable, and eternal. God is ever-lasting, most durable, and the eternal. A rock is a sign and proof of the existence of God.
So anyway, what does this have to do with womanhood? It all began in a unique art class that I had to take as a sophomore. I think we were assigned to design a project that had meaning to us and was a social service. I remember a girl in my class wanted to design a service for young women, I think it was called No More Tears. It designed for girls who have just left a broken relationship, girls who lost themselves in a relationship, and girls who forgot about their own ambitions and sense of self during a relationship. As part of the project, the girls would come to the organization and bring a pair of shoes. On their shoes they would glue and place symbols or a representation of everything that meant a lot to them. As they wore their shoes, they would always remember what made them an individual.
I remember at the time thinking woah! Thank God I have not experienced this! How does a girl allow herself to lose herself in a relationship? But now as a senior, I have more understanding and sympathy.
Love is powerful and dangerous. Just as Love for God causes the servant of God to be so consumed and forgetful of his own self so does love for a temporal being/item. A girl who is in love with her partner is willing to sacrifice and compromise almost every aspect of herself for the sake of union with her beloved. When the relationship ends, she is confused and lost. Lovers are naive and willing to take risks.
In conclusion, women need to discover themselves before they seek a partner. Independence is one of the best gifts she can offer to her husband. The only Being that deserves a woman’s heart and self is her Creator.
