A friend once quoted to me a gem from a scholar: “Get used to loneliness, because afflictions arise with people.” Sometimes people hurt you. Sometimes the pain is inconceivable. Once I had an emotional pain that turned into a physical pain; it was so strange. I was ready to move on, forgive and forget, but something in me did not want to let the pain go. It’s truly strange. Your mind is ready to move on, but the pain in your heart remains. Your mind tries to reason with your heart, but the heart refuses to listen.
In reality, this pain is a blessing from Allah. He wants us to cry out to Him for help; He wants to drive us away from people and towards Himself.
Once when I was going through a rough situation, I wrote this journal entry:
Trust should only be placed on Allah. Never leave your home hoping to find salvage and peace with others, the irony is that you are leaving the very place that can unite you with your Lord-the privacy of your own bedroom. Need someone to cry to? Wake up in the last third of the night and cry to Allah. Need someone to consult with, talk to, vent to, sing to (I’m not joking), show love to? Wake up and express yourself to Allah. Allah is the origin of all beauty and pleasure. Is there something in your best friend that you just can’t fathom and enjoy being in their company because of this special quality? Guess what, Allah has this quality and even more! He has this quality infinitely. The BEST thing about consulting and revealing your secrets to Allah is that he is the BEST secret keeper. Humans are imperfect when it comes to keeping secrets and amanas (trusts).
One of the greatest lessons I learned is to place full trust in God. Sometimes we get excited, and immediately want to relay things to others. But we should control our excitement, and immediately want to relay things to Allah. We should cry out to Allah when we want to rid our chest of worries. We should seek out Allah when we need advice. And if we really need the advice of others, we should clearly dictate our intentions: to God, to ourselves, and to the advisor.
My mom told me once that it is not good to have an ultimate *best* friend, because if there is any conflict, the pain will be harder to overcome. In Islam we must have moderation. We should not rely on others excessively for companionship and ease, but neither should we cast people off. Our most enjoyable companionship and ease should be with God. If we find it with others, we should never let it overpower our relationship with God, nor should we fail to realize that the joy we find with others is a manifestation of the Ultimate Joy we seek in God.
If one lacks depth in his/her relationship with God, than he/she will seek it out in others. Dependence on others is an indication of one’s station with God.
A good hadith that is relevant to the topic:
It was narrated that Anas [May God preserve him] said that the Prophet [pbuh] said:
Whoever is mainly concerned about the Hereafter, Allah will make him feel independent of others and will make him focused and content, and his worldly affairs will fall into place. But whoever is mainly concerned with this world, Allah will make him feel in constant need of others and will make him distracted and unfocused, and he will get nothing of this world except what is decreed for him. (narrated by al-Tirmidhi, Hadith No. 2389)
(Source: al-Fawaa’ id, page 159)
And beautiful poetry from Ibn Ata’illah:
He only made afflictions come at the hands of people
so that you not respond to them.
He wants to drive you out from everything
so that nothing would divert you from Him.
Appeal to no one but Him to relieve you of a pressing need
that He himself has brought upon you.
For how can someone else remove what He has imposed?
And how can he who is unable to free himself of a pressing need
free someone else of one?
When He alienates you from His creatures,
then know that He wants
to open for you the door of intimacy with Himself.
(Source: Ibn Ata’illah Al Hikam [Book of Wisdoms])
