At the ICNA convention this year, one of the speakers said that a person who possesses knowledge but lacks good manners is in a state of hypocrisy.  I think that it is due to this fact that so many people are turned off by religion.  I know of some sisters who are scared of religious brothers because of past experiences with domestic and emotional abuse.  This is really sad.  Imam Zaid Shakir actually discussed this at the RIHLA as well.

About the RIHLA: There were several books we read (and are still reading), including Purification of the Heart, Reflections of Pearls, and The Creed of Imam Al Tahawi.  One of my favorites however is Islamic Manners by Shaykh Abd al-Fattah Abu Ghuddah.  It was also the only book that I was not familiar with before coming to the RIHLA.  It is absolutely beautiful and practical.  Just as much as the Muslim must try to perfect their prayers and outer devotions to God, so too should they also perfect their manners and relations with others.  This reminds me of what Shaykh Husain Abdul Sattar said in a lecture once that God is more forgiving for the transgressions we commit against Him (prayer, fasting) than the transgressions we commit against other creations.  This is because we have to seek forgiveness from both the person we wronged against and God.

This book also reminded me of a beautiful article I read once called “Adab: The Sufi Art of Conscious Relationship” by Kabir Helminski.

Here is an excerpt:

“I have observed that children in Sufi families are lovingly given subtle cues about how to act and move throughout the world.  Abdulbaki Golpinarli, perhaps the greatest documentator of Sufi life in the last century wrote about his own upbringing in this way:

‘I remember that, when I was a child, if I walked quickly, or stamped my feet, people would say to me (not out of anger), What are you doing, Baki? What kind of a way is that to walk?  My child, everything has a heart, a life, a soul: wouldn’t the wood get hurt?  Look, it’s laid itself on the floor for us to walk on.  Shouldn’t we show respect, and not hurt it?’”

It is because of this emphasis on manners and good character in Islam that has made me somewhat place outward devotional acts below inward devotion and character. Don’t misunderstand me, both are extremely important.  To have one and not the other is hypocrisy.  But for example, I don’t think I could tell a sister that she should wear hijab.  The fact that I am spending time with her and already wearing one is enough pressure as it is.  At the end of the day, covering your hair is not as important as controlling one’s anger, forgiving others, and displaying selflessness.  What kind of representation of Islam would a hijabi be displaying if she continually backbited others and told people off instead of holding her anger in?  I know a few sisters who became discouraged from coming to the MSA for the same reason.

May God allow us to incorporate the best manners into our characters and spread beauty through this medium.  Ameen.